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Do all relationship come with a past ?

I walked …down the alley blemished with my own conflicting thoughts. No one to stand by …the only companion with me today is my pain. I look around searching for any sight of a human, but there is none. I can just hear my heart and the roaring sound of the sea in the remoteness. My call for expressing myself is so intense; that I keep walking in anticipation that I would surely come across someone near the sea…someone with whom the exchange of thoughts would bring back the tranquility. I try walking faster...Its getting late and the darkness around is scaring me…The sea is near …yes it is …I can sense the salt laden gentle wind touching my face. I pace up and arrive at the shore. I am sweating profusely but that’s not what am anxious about …I need to find someone …I need someone to hear me.

As if god could feel my pain I saw someone in the far end sitting on the rocks, without even getting concerned who the person was I start running it’s the only living soul I had come across since hours. And it’s always easier to convey things to a stranger because they would never judge you by your past. And it’s my past that I was actually nervous about.

I reach her breathing deeply… she is a girl barely of twenty five, she had striking hair even the breeze was playfully flirting around with it ,and it was beautifully rising and falling on her face. There was certain calmness in her face unlike mine. And I thought I found the elucidation to all my questions. With my heart beats getting faster …I slowly touched her shoulders and the only sound that could come out of my dry mouth was a “Hello”. She looked up startled as if awaken from a deep slumber and kept blandly looking at me. We looked at each other for several seconds…may be minutes because I was besieged to start the conversation. What will I say her …will she think I am out of my mind and disturbing her…but I had to do it right… yes I had to its because of this… I had traveled so far alone. Even after assuring self several times the only thing that could come out of me was I need to talk. She smiled and I knew she was the one …she will take me out of my twinge. I started talking …

No it was just questions out of my mind…why do I have so much pain to encounter…why its always me…why cant I live beyond my past …months before when I had shifted to this place; I was so sure that this was it I had my share of pain now I have to look beyond the past and carve a beautiful future for myself. And I was doing fine till he walked into my life again. Bringing back all that I have been trying to bury within me! Who gave him the right to come back hadn’t he taken his decision long time back… that I wasn’t a part of his life anymore. He took his decision and I wasn’t ever asked how I felt about the separation, I walked out silently never ever questioning his credibility his …decisions then why had he come back?

He said …he needed me these months had broken him into pieces …he wanted me to amalgate all his pieces and make him complete again. Could I trust him all over again…he was the person who had said I was an useless part of his life which he wanted to be removed as soon as possible. I was a hindrance to his much celebrated ambitious plans to make it big in the world. And I left him …not because I was angry but because I realized he would be happier if I let him go …and that’s what he wanted…
The words were just tumbling out of my mouth and the girl was silently listening to me through my tears. …I looked at her as if I knew she would know all the answers. For seconds she was quiet and I was really getting impatient. But when she spoke her voice had a divine insight…she said Pain is an introduction to a beautiful life ahead…If you haven’t seen pain then you would never feel the essence of happiness. Long ago when you felt you were inseparable you had chances to doubt your own feelings and that’s what happened with him .He thought he would do without you, he called you a futile part because gradually he was feeling you to be one. The severance pulled you apart the pain was unbearable for both …but it gave him a difficult time he couldn’t be the practical one that he always acclaimed about. Yes, he couldn’t even when you were miles apart you remained to be a part of each other bleeding, crying in your respective parts of the world.

You should now love him not because you know how it’s to be loved but you have witnessed how it feels in its absence. And, its then that the charm of love actually blossoms.Every relationship come with their past …yes they do and this whole experience of separation would blend into your past one day and you would walk into the future to make it a beautiful one.Dont repent that it happened be happy that life choose you over others to experience a reality of life. It’s this disturbing facet of life that makes life worth living. You have grown with the pain …become a part of his life that he cant do without…and you have an assured love filled life ahead isn’t that enough to take you through this life. Her answers were like the first drops of rain in a drought stricken place… I was slowly calming down I got all my answers. How beautifully did she explain me about life? I wanted to know more about her now… how selfish I had been? I started talking my life out to her without bothering to know her name or ask her why was she alone in this place. Seeing me lost in my thoughts she had walked away…I would see her tender body across the night sky. I shouted to catch her attention but there was no answer … my voice reverberated back. She kept walking till I could see no more of her. Silently closing my eyes I muttered “Bless her”…and for the first time I felt the breeze and it was heavenly…

The cherished possession

Is it something to do with the Arian instinct that he wins all the arguments! Or is it destiny that bestows him with all the good fortune. Well he always sabotages my opinions and finely weaves it into what he thinks is right….He dissect my thoughts...So well that he would know the words before they would be out of my mouth… sometimes I hate that feeling and sometimes love it as well…(*Confused what I actually feel about it )..Arguments with him are like the cross and zero game where I always reach a dead end... But does that trouble me…That I win or not …Highly optimistic as I am. I have always believed that it’s better to loose an argument than loose the relationship altogether…so I just let him be the winner always (** with special effects of my angelic smile).And he enjoys that feeling His creative zest steamed with practicality makes him just awesome …and its his these innate qualities that he makes me fall for him over and over…

I am not a counselor on human relationships nor an intellectual genius but …just a cognizant speaker. Who believes winning is not everything in life …
You might have the whole world on your finger tip but still crave to get the affection of a loved one. Because it’s always the human beings who matter over all the materialistic assets one acquires in life. I know it’s sometimes so hard curtailing the ego but …the bargain shall always yield a profitable margin in a relationship. In a world…where a bruised heart is rampantly found finding that one person who loves you unconditionally makes the difference. So when you find someone that great never lose them over trivial ego gratifications. Love the person who loves you and cherish them forever.

Perfect One ...Am i not ?

It’s really ironical that my blog stipulates that I am the “Perfect One”.
As I am one of the most inconsistent person that one would have ever come across…There’s nothing in this planet that I can actually do perfectly. Every two-three days I fall down get wounded still never really hassle to be alert while walking. I converse to strangers, get trapped in tribulations still would stop by to help a needy one on my way. When it comes to my temper it can even give the volcano a complex but … after all those conscious struggle with self …I have failed to control my fury …. So that leaves me quite imperfect isn’t it …[See I am so true to myself !].
But I have never bothered to be bothered by this …Its never that I don’t want to be ideal …But I believe that God always has his plans …he made me the way I am because …he knows what I should have been…and how I can sail through my life…So that makes me God ‘s … Perfect One ultimately !

So, I'm perfectly imperfect, quite striking and conspicuous in my flaws, certain of my insecurities, In one word I am an utter “chaos”… but whatever I am.....I'm a beautiful catastrophe altogether ain't I ?!.

The lovely Plumeria

When you have everything in life you don’t have time to think for yourself. When you don’t have anything to do those little things that you had long forgotten just resurfaces. I am kind of discontented with the way my life is stirring these days. But I am getting in touch little things that I always loved…And kind of enjoying this journey towards “soul realization”.
Walking down the street today I caught a glimpse of the Champa(Plumeria) tree in front of my grandmother’s house. In an instance the memories of my childhood seemed to engulf me. As a child I had always loved playing under this tree, I would collect the dried up flowers and keep feeling its fragrance. It had kind of a strong scent but …I had fallen in love with it the moment I had realized about its existence. So essentially I loved it…But with time I had basically forgotten about my fascination for these flowers or may be getting a degree,the dream of making it big , work had enslaved me ! Millions of time I would have passed by the tree but never had been conscious of its presence in all these years. Today One sight was enough to bring back reminiscences of bruised knees, the carefree days, and the giggling me…I used to be so happy those days! A flower had so much to speak …so many memories to convey to me …Even for an instance it made me happy and I am very happy because I was reintroduced to a part of me today.
Time will again move on I will start working have a family …and this charm of Plumeria will be again wrapped up with other thoughts but …I am content and gratified to the lovely Plumeria...For the calmness that it got to me today even though it was for a brief moment.


Well god just knows it all…He knows people who can understand you …and he always makes it a point to keep them close to you. I didn’t have any brother …and I actually yearned for one …{It was like my kindergarten friends Soma and Asha had brothers…so I needed one too}…Not that I didn’t love having my sister around ..But I just wanted one...So how could God not fulfill my wish …So he gave me a brother .Yes, last year Sujit bhaia became a part of the family … {He is my brother in law}…But you see we never started off on the right note that’s because we both loved one person immensely {That’s my sister} and we succumbed to series of ego clashes.”My sister is mine …and how can someone take her away from me…I actually saw him as a threat “…so both had a cold war for sometime …!.But it was around February this year that we actually spent time as a family …and seriously now when I look up to the days …when I thought he hates me I feel so kiddish!..
He is a gem of a person caring, affectionate, and fun to be around and I seriously know that he loves me lot...There are times I think he is the only person who understands my situation. {Coz he really does}.For me he is just a phone call away “I just need to say that ….I need this ... and within minutes he could get it for me “… It took some time but he is an important link in our family. Well my mama loves him so much …that 24*7 …You see her chanting “sujit chalisa” {As I call it ..}And thanx for the MNG bag bhaia without your aid I could never have got it :P. He is just awesome ….otherwise you...Wouldn’t find so many people loving him …From my brother in law he transcended to be my brother !

Sleepless Night

Well... I went back to bed quite late last night… I wasn’t actually busy, just Blogging!
I couldn’t really sleep …It was as if I had just made a new friend and wanted to share everything about my life. So the reason was I wanted to continue ...writing down my thoughts. Though, at present not many people have access to my random thoughts. On a honest realization it’s just my sister who reads them and yes my parents who actually read them { No need of even mentioning they love all the crap that I write }. I am actually a little perplexed. I actually want to share my feelings with people outside my family . Not that I aspire to be a writer or something.... neither do I have an exciting life but as a Saggi …I am a knowledge "seeker and sharer" precisely ;so I just want to better myself !...

Passion for writing

I am slowly enjoying putting my thoughts into words and I have got the perfect platform to do it. People said I talk so much but that is because I have so many things to talk about. I have grown up sharing everything with my mama .So that had actually made it a necessity for me to take out all the pent up feelings within me.
Speech was always my strength I just knew it, I believe I can persuade anyone with my interactive skills. But writing naah never really had the zeal to write even one page {I hated the essay writings as a kid}.I don’t really know when I fell in love with writing. As far as I can remember my Bp( My father) is a writer and Sama (My sister) is a fabulous poet but not me .And I always counted myself as the black sheep of the family . May be it was a sense of jealousy …Hmmm jealousy is not the word but may be a little of sibling rivalry that moved me to write. Because my sister was so good at writing my mama always praised her and that actually created fervor within me to start writing. Though on a serious note I really don’t mind being a second best to my sister …I love much but now when I try to find the source of my passion for writing the only reason I can think about is this…so I started my journey with writing very late at the age of 16. But since then I have tried to better myself …


I have this habit of writing about things and people close to my heart! And how could I miss out on such a beautiful facet of my heart. Yes one of the most striking facade of my life is my Sister. All my growing up years I have always wanted to be like her .Because she was just right! For our parents she is the best, for her husband a loving wife and for me my guiding light. She is so good at everything whether dance, creative writing, and paintings to sports she is always at the finest.

On top of that she is practical, realistic and the responsible one. Its just little things about her that made such a huge difference in my life .She has been more of a mother than a sister the sense of possessiveness, the compassionate attitude have always taken me through the tuff times. I look back at the period when I would be feeling “just down in the dumps” and she would just call me out of nowhere to let me know how much she is missing me and how much she loves me. I have never seemed to realize this relationship that we share she would know it even when we wouldn’t talk on a regular basis. How can I be so sanctified to have people who would understand me so well?
But that’s not the end to it we do share a portion of “sibling rivalry” as well … as kids she would always cook me delicious food. Then she would emotionally blackmail me to do her work yaa cleaning her wardrobe and the room....... poor me..! I hardly knew how to cook and would simply fall prey to the bargain of a nice dish over wardrobe cleaning. She was perfect at these blackmails as well; with her angelic smile and raised eyebrows she would end of winning. How I hated it …all my new clothes and accessories she would use them first ...because she still believes that she is the elder one therefore has right over everything first. So I get to wear all my clothes “second handed” as I call them. You can see what I have gone through.... But that has all been transformed to love these days “It’s like only she can fight with me, If any one else does it …, mind it he would be dead”. Dare someone looks at me or touches me she wouldn’t really spare him!
All my growing up years Sama is what I called her… no didi..Or jiji …now when I think……… I revere her as ma mother could I call her anything other than saMa her name had the word Ma in it.

I have always admired her ...for her enthusiasm to make a difference to people ... She is a focused lady who knows what she wants....!..A marvelous person who is loved by all...!!!.
Love you so much saMa !!! Be there for me always!

Sharpened Pencil

Why am I feeling this… my mind is so mystified …Why things that seemed so right at one point of time? Baffles me now. ~ How many times have I actually tried to be that sharpened pencil? The one that is the perfect blend of simplicity and excellence. But still he says I need to better myself because he wants the best! I have tried hard enough, I still do to do the things the way he wants, the way he want me to conduct myself, the way he wants me to converse, but that’s not me. Seriously that’s not me. The little tiny things that I thought were part of me… the true essence of my personality he thinks should have melted with years! I should have been someone different by now …Is he right?
The voice within me answers back Yes may be …He has always been the one who knows it all …He just seems to do things so perfectly! But I struggle to balance myself and the food in a restaurant! How I hate those high heels and would kick them off whenever I got an occasion. How much I loved walking bare foot on grasses! How much I loved dancing to the tunes of the rain …But that’s not what I am supposed to be doing…I am a girl of 23 I shouldn’t be doing that! I should be poised and complete role replica for the kids around me not to be a kid myself! So I feel I am loosing out some part of me!
But being with him has actually made the big difference…its made me a better person, I have learnt so much in order to give him my best I would just travel that extra mile for him which I would have lovingly procrastinated otherwise. He taught me to love myself, He created in me a sense of pride that I should have for myself, and He taught me that the world looks up to those who believe in themselves .He made me love my present, forget my past and be assured about my future.
So, what am I complaining about….????? The fact that he always wants the best…No he actually made me what I always dreamt of being but could never make myself do all that! He has been with me through the most difficult times and even promises to be with me forever …He is the one who gives me strength to face the world … He is harsh sometimes because he knows that if sharpened this Pencil would be near to best! Even the most brilliantly shinning diamond has to pass through the sharpest cuts isn’t that what gives it the beautiful luster! So, I am right very right! He is the Perfect one for me! And I am his not so perfect one! (You see I am still trying to better myself!)

Love is not about finding that guy who can love you for what you are. But someone who can make you what you always wanted to be…Its someone who knows your flaws asks you to clear it off but still loves you even when you have done a mistake for a 100th time. So as the story goes God just knows it all he blends two dissimilar people together and he just knows they would be the finest together!♥

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