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The Chastened Soul

My heart was frozen behind the mattress...The shrieks…the cries, the anguish, and pain was beyond conception. I gaze into the barrenness...The memories of the last night ...have been a nightmare …How happy was I dressed in my bridal wear. The giggles, the gratification in my heart: I was in the arms of my lover forever, And blessed I was …to find such a love! A journey far away from my world …didn’t bother my soul. I had found my love…yes true love! Then the world started shattering when the people in my new world realized I was a not part of their clan...They called me a “non believer ”….Brought up in a egalitarian planet …my conscious had no space for religion! I knew I was a human...and that’s what had moved me though life and that’s how I believed my life to move on!...But not they …they didn’t want my essence to sustain..They didn’t want my dreams to grow!
It was the night of my marriage the contentness of creating a happy cosmos was all I wanted. The bullets’ sound screech through the music! I was numb...Standing before me was a fanatic now I knew the word had spread: they knew I was not their own, he dragged me to the open streets. He wanted to see my flesh bleed; my pleading cries were fell on deaf ears. He kicked me hard, and the pain was unbearable...But he went on kicking me, people around tried their best to drive them away.But the one who tried was fired and sent away. To end their fun...He fired me twice. And he left me lying in a pool of blood .I was loosing myself to lord.When a lady took me in her arms and carried me into the house …I was sinking …I knew it .But she wanted to show me the light .She stabs the knife into my chest to take out the bullets and I pass into a state of unconscious. When again I open my eyes: I see myself behind a pool of mattresses. They had come again to check on my dying body...But not finding me there had provoked their anger immensely .They had raided every house to find me…and the marks of blood on the floor had given the news that I was inside .They shot every person they saw…what was such a fanaticism? Just, to see me dying they killed people whom they called their own. The shrieks subside I know everyone has deceased.They move on to locate me again. It was hours I think when I generate the potency to stand …I knew I had lost everything when a baby’s muffled cry rocks my thoughts I see a movement of life from within the dead. And I manage and take that child in my arms it seems to give me the only ray of desire…!
Limping through the debris I walk to keep my soul alive, now my life had a value… it had the blessings of all the people who had lost theirs to keep me living on. And I had the hope of a child to move ahead.Marred with the pain …I cry out to lord …
If this is our world of today...Then what will our tomorrow be lord?


Ripped by the reality of life she got conscious of the two sides of her!
She was a blend of emotions; whose heart cried out when she saw the world in pain. She cried with the child …who lost his childhood; she cried as the world was besieged by terrorism, she cried when a girl was dragged on the streets by goons. Walking down the phases of her life …she believed the world was a part of her... she loved it, cherished it …and nurtured it as her own! She dreamt to see the world dipped in happiness and hope…she dreamt to see a content soul! And she survived just to see the world thrive! …on its own …
But …what was she on the other side? A selfish spirit whose heart craved for more! Who dreamt to see herself as a winning spree? Who just survived to see herself free, the world’s pain was not hers, the world’s tribulations didn’t belong to her…She was the woman of the new genre whose only belief was to rule the world…Whose sustenance was reciprocal to her success. Whose interactions were just a way of life, whose winnings made her smile!
Whose was she …in reality …who was she?
I believe…………………………………….She was just me!

The Ten guys and I Part-2

Ah…my head…the sleep hadn’t really worked. I was feeling so damn tired! It’s so exasperating sometimes when you wake up in the middle of a sleep [Ah for those of you wondering]…I finally, got a little sleep, after settling my clothes of course! Its not that he hadn’t helped, he did, as always and then I was permitted to doze. But what made me wake up...I thought again it was some sound …kind of …! Well some scratching noise may be some neighbor’s cat! It continued this time … bloody hell it scared the …..**** Out of me!
Where was that knight in shinning armor of mine...shouldn’t he be here taking care of me ….shouldn’t he be fighting with all the nasty spirits around! Even Before, the thoughts were over and done with. I was screaming …”aaa aaa…it was adequate to get the whole house down! The door opens and a guy...pops in [The Jack in the box kind of …]

Who the hell was he …He walks in smiling [how can he smile when I am so scared] and introduces himself as Ashutosh [Ashu for everyone and for inputs the Prankster…on second thoughts, though I have always felt him to be a Casanova in a positive sense...].And where was that boy friend of mine ….seriously, sometimes I feel when ever I need him, he is no where to be found!
Well Oops! This time he was there …cheekily smiling behind Ashu. Why were they smiling? Am I a mouse in an experiment that gets all jumpy with some electric shock? Or were they seeing a girl who screams for the ‘first time’! [Ah! Back sweetheart, back from your thoughts…]I know there are thousands of girls who would admit that we girls have fundamentally an analogous thought networking! Life will be working its way and we would be lost in our thoughts examining every facet of our circumstances...And having our second vivid thoughts on things.
So all that weird noise came from that six feet tall, chiseled guy [not exactly…]He tries to be extra nice … [typical guys]…They are always good to girls when they meet them for first time! Things just happen later. To take on with the exchange ...”I need a little help with my dissertation tonight” he said. I have submission in two days. [Duh uh …there goes my night’s beauty sleep]. I smile back...Yes, we will work on your dissertation .I will make sure we complete it tonight! …Great! That’s what he says and sits on my bed …I give a startled expression and jump back conscious of a stranger on my bed. He laughs and says welcome to London and welcome to the house with ten guys !...[ I am blank …yes I am …ten guys …I take a deep breath! Sigh!] But before I assimilate the thing about ten guys …he starts again...Did you hear any sounds…anything scratching …I nod .Oh don’t get petrified …that’s just the sound from the graveyard next to your room …What was he talking! “A graveyard” …I look straight at my bf...He smiles in assertion. I want to scream what is this guy upto? …Heights of romanticism …really !who would make his gf sleep in a room next to a graveyard! But that thing doesn’t seem to worry him …”You will be fine …ghosts don’t exist “…Really? Then why didn’t you guys stay in this room? I stare at ashu; I really thought he had been sweet enough to give me the news about the graveyard ...he would surely be the one to help me out! Oh!...But, that know it all says …You see this is a two storied house and we all guys stay upstairs .This is the only room on the ground floor and you are a girl you would feel a lot secured !..Since when did security mean staying alone [next to a graveyard]…I have no shame in admitting that I am scared...Very scared… [But one thing is clear Ashu has to be a Libran …the way he speaks tact fully].
…He starts again about his numerous encounters with Ghosts in the house...[as if he thinks I am enjoying it!...ya ya ..I know what you are doing.boy!]...Guys they wouldn’t spare a single chance of goofing about being immaculately strong! I slowly pass into my thoughts again…I seriously want to shriek at these two guys [yes my bf very much included ] get off my bed ..Get out of my room …you have already done enough harm for the day …hmmm night I mean!

.As I have said before the characters are real ..but my vivacious mind just creates the situations for the story..I hope you like this part !...If yes ...Please comment on the Post !]

Miss You

Once I asked God to keep me away from you ...And show you if I am at all Important in your life ........Little did I realize that I was asking for more pain that my heart couldn't take !

The ten guys and I

Being under the eye of my parents always I had never experienced the truth behind freedom…That was it, London showed me all. This was a life where I decided what to wear…where to go …what to do?.And that was the best aspect of it !

I never had the craving to grab a guy’s attention …because I had enough all my life! Not exactly, freeze your thoughts..I wasn’t the sexy siren at the school or university neither the admired girl with an hourglass figure and captivating ways? But tad ah..I was a tomboy..And that was it…I had guys all around me... [lol]..
I walk into my life in London and what do I see…I have ten guys in my world. [See this thing is not essentially how complicated as it seems because basically I wasn’t seeing ten guys]…but for the fact that my bf was the only person whom I knew before going there all his friends became my world. So coming back I have this ten guys …about whom I was a little skeptical You know, how as girls we have so much stuff running in our grey cells…We analyze …re-analyze and still then we are confused about everything in life !. So I was kinda thinking will they be ok having a girl in their cluster …will they be fine with a lady’s presence! So many questions [typical of a girl...].I assure myself we will all be fine together [I believe…Amen!]
So here I was …Waiting at Heathrow that day probing for that one known face; Among the crowd...I couldn’t find any …Because you see the fact was that my bf had to pick me up and he was so excited about my journey that the ‘fella’Overslept! [Can you believe it?] And here I was desperately trying to find him...All throughout the air travel I had this butterflies in my stomach …because I was meeting him after a complete year to be precise and I was so keyed up …even that eight hour flight hadn’t been able to dampen my spirits! [Love is Love after all]…But what do I see he is not there …Love transcends into anger and I was fuming …that’s it …how could he be so lackadaisical..? I’m not talking to him …I bolster myself a 1000th time and I was serious I wasn’t talking to him….! It was over 45 mins since the flight had landed and I see him …walking down towards me …and the first thing that I see was his smile! And how …All the anger for minutes just melts in seconds..[That’s his charm]…And how I hate that feeling of being flabbergasted in his presence! Now coming back to the guys...[This love thing is actually distracting me…but I have to tell you about this ten guys ].I see another guy with this bf of mine and at first glance he is so sweet says a polite hello introduces himself as Amit [The shy One ],takes my luggage and strolls down the airport !..Here the people who already know me know how chirpy I am …but I was wordless...the people …the place was so new…slowly I realized I was in London away, away and so far away from my country!...Bf’s late arrival had infuriated me so much …the I had elapsed to enjoy my initial enthusiasm of being in London but the view from the tube …had restored everything back!
I reach...Home after hours of travels through undergrounds and the admired red buses..Awl London is so beautiful! But my body was already calling a day! Knock Knock and the door is opened by a very .chubby guy and he introduces himself as adi [The Good One]..I knew him I had chatted with him several times! But to be honest had never expected him to be “Golchu Polchu “[he he sorry adi]. So I walk into my room a small but cozy one and I jump into my bed. And pass into a relaxing sleep. [No I didn’t].Because my bf …wanted me to settle the clothes before I slept …how hilarious …!!!..Was he getting it I had my long long travel from India! And didn’t I need my rest …and think about the reality I was away from my family …I needed some time alone to get over that feeling! [Didn’t I ]…But no …he said …so I had to do it wasn’t I a good girlfriend I Yes I was …of course I am who wouldn’t have complained but did I ?...[That’s his spell I am always so awestruck when he speaks]

[*** This is story has real characters but...Situations are fictious...because I wanted my story to be interesting ...who wouldnt..I would continue writing on this topic ..if I find people interested in what I am writing ! as I always say share some love ...leave a comment and let me know this story has any worth of being told or not ]...

God sees the truth but waits...

I know this reverberates to Leo Tolstoy’s story God sees the truth but waits .And when I script on this tenet; essentially that’s the contemplation behind it. Since, the day I interpreted this story I haven’t been able to comprehend why God delays his righteousness when he knows the truth.Isn't God a redeemer of honesty? isn't he the epitome of justice?  Then what prevents him from patronizing the veracity of life.Why does he always let people who believe in him endure pain? Why does he favor the wrong doing doesn't that make him sinister-cal and an element in the crime? 

Why does he ? The questions keep flowing out .

But, we are so diminutive to query God’s Karma. He owns the world and knows how to maneuver people’s destinies . Doesn't that makes him domineering?It does,I believe it does,But can we go against our conviction? No we can’t. How hard we try we still come to a state of affairs where we again go back to him

So that always leaves him on a better forum. And I’m sure he would seriously be smiling at his own providence! So tyrannical. you are Lord And so better off your consign is.
What a fate you have lord! What a fate ?

Photo Credits:


" A Smile should never need a reason ...A reason should find a smile"


This silence is deafening…This silence is heart breaking…But, Isn’t it uncanny how this silence says it all !

Girl behind the walls

Life is intricate, when you just have the four walls for your company. You wake up in their midst, you see them last, before your eyes wait for a day to end. You long for the sunshine, the rain, and the aroma of the earth; but the only thing that reverts back is the succulence of the walls.

Can life live in such a state of circumstances? Can life see the light of joy in this situation?
                                                     Can life? Hmm…

So, I have stopped breathing mine and the only leftovers of presence remains in the virtual world, where I’m far away from prejudices,perceptions and the people. But I still yearn for the spark of bliss, the beautiful planet of imaginings, and above all a life that I can call my own again.

 Didn’t they say every gloom transcends into the radiance one day. Didn’t they?
Then where is my life? Where is my happiness? Where is my share of love? I have waited so long for God’s fairness and I am still waiting .

Hope has taken me through the tunnel. But when again, I stare at the distance.

Hope seems to melt...into the walls!



"God might exist in some corner of the cosmos .....but he surely has lost his presence in my world."


You injected life into my essence,
You shaped the fire of passion,
You are the basis I subsist …
Where are you now Lord?
Locked in my world of misery and pain
I plead to be yours …again
Bruised, cut and bleeding I stand to be caressed by you today.
Take me into your arms…and make me happy and gay.
I am yours …and shall always be …yours forever lord …
Blend me ...blend me ..into your accord…
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