I wake up to hustle of my son in the dining . I had been late today ,this continuous sleepless nights were taking their toll on me.I rush throwing the sheets on the floor,I desperately needed to see my child before he leaves for his classes.
But, as a strike of lightning I retreat back,Its always this feeling of ambiguities ruling my cognizance these days that I fail to decipher the eminence of my presence in my loved ones life .
I wringer myself , will my death make any difference to my son ? The answer was quick and sanguine.
"No".... Busy he was in his own world of imaginings , he had a father with intact bank balance and he had nothing to worry about.His days began with posh cars ,sailed smooth with credit cards .
What need did he have with a mother ?
Then I look at bed , sleeping curled up within the sheets is the man I spent twenty-five fruitful years of my life managing his emotions to his clandestine desires.I did every possible thing on my part to be there with him.I re-question myself all over again "Will my absence matter to him ?"
"No"...With his business creeping to frontiers beyond reach , he has too much to take care of , a lonely weeping lady isn't his best business bargain.
I pirouette within my forlorn thoughts.Is this the life that I dreamt about ? Is the life that I want?
But who really understands all this when this is what I am fated to live.
I weep again in my desolate world,till sunshine from the windows afflicts my thoughts.
Photo credits:www.betterphoto.com
