Not all Love Stories are perfect

Life is scheming when you get what you want still you don’t get the requisite time to live the moment. Lying on the bed draped in sheets a tear rolls down to presage the pain, anxiety my heart was breeding within. I knew this fear would end soon ,but same would my world.I just tried hard to relive the memoirs of my life.A striking life till Everything ended abruptly.

Life began so beautifully why didn’t it end the same way? 


The flash of our first meeting bounced into my heart; And for the first time I smiled to myself after ages.I was rushing through the steaming crowd at Holborn Station. It was ten past nine my shift at Starbucks Coffee shop had already begun .Swarming through the crowd of workaholics, I bumped into someone.”Oops sorry! I’m just late for my work! I say .The stranger on other end just smiles back at me and retorts...Sweetheart its ok...Hope you make it on time!. We smile and move on in opposite directions. Riya that’s me I smile to myself when will I stop bumping into people? The day passed by smoothly but I was still locked in that strangers dreams.

The next day while crusading through the crowds at the escalator in Holborn I frantically searched for that unknown face. Not finding made me sad. Suddenly I twirl around to see my georgette dupatta flying and touching someone’s face behind me.My heart beats take a thousand leaps its him.The moment he sees me he says your dupatta on my face made me experience bolly wood scenes in Alps of Switzerland …I giggle and stare at his innocent face. He introduces himself as Karan, working in a bank in high end Holborn. 

One conversation leads to another and we get used to meeting each other for coffee, at pubs and build a session of late night conversations.

 We were silently walking into a dream. Standing out in the rainy streets with red roses one day he gave me the most memorable day of my life! He asked me to be his and I nodded .Without thinking that there was a life that I had left behind, I was supposed to have an arranged marriage.Which had been fixed long before I left for my study abroad .But did me ever realize that life would be in such a state of whirlpool after I met Karan? He was my love .So; I gave up my family and marriage to be him. Just, being with him made such huge difference to me.

We just wanted our life to begin as soon as possible so we married the same weekend.Life was beautiful as I was feeling. For people around we became the most god- made couple. We were just madly in love ,a love which came late to me.But Karan had been a flirtatious person being brought up in Britain ,he kind of had that English blood even when the heart was Indian. He had a series of one night stands, flings before he met me and I would often joke at him saying “So, the Casanova tasted true love”. And he would cuddle me within him and kiss my face ceaselessly saying because you were so tempting darling resisting you became difficult your looks minced my heart baby.

We would plan our lives together and we both craved for a daughter whom we wanted to name Tanya .Our world revolved around a non-existent Tanya .How we could pamper her.How we would love her and thoughts about her became our world.True Love burns the brightest, but the brightest flames always leave the deepest scars. After a wonderful honeymoon spell in Mauritius the doctor confirmed that I had cancer. Just two months into marital bliss the world comes to a stand still .I being in my last stage of cancer will just have three months to live. Karan frantically searched for a way to keep me alive But I was already getting the sinking feeling within I knew I was losing my fight against the malady.

In these last few months the thoughts of Tanya was what kept me cheerful we would spend long hours talking about her when we knew she would never become a reality? I was leaving my life behind and the pain was unbearable

I left my body that night.

But my soul still aches when I witness Karan from far above strangled in a corner he lies in asylum. He lost himself the day I left him.It’s said Love is stronger than death. Death can’t stop love from happening .Even death however hard death it tries it cant separate two people in Love.

 Death ends the Life not the Relationship! 

So there he was crying and dying every second in the recollections of our Love and keeping our relationship alive!

Not all Love Stories are perfect! isnt it ?

Photo credits: Devendra Purbiya Photography

I'M NOT OKAY

            They say real love never sheds blood, where were these drops of blood leading me then?

Thunder cracked in the nearby field, enclosed in the dark room, I submerged my muffled cries in the pillow. The clock stuck two, I look into the darkness with that sense of numbness .For the first time in 12 hours of our fight I wasn’t feeling anything ,I had cried all my heart out, I had panicked ,I had been scared and all that had made me numb now.

He was so calm days back, suddenly that submerged anger ruptured him and he was violent like always. He screamed abuses at me, called me filthy, questioned my links with other guys in my life, fiercely called me a waste of time. I pleaded a sorry into the phone a numerous time over but the only thing that mattered to him was an appraisal of his mannish ego he went on and on and I had only a right of silence.

I looked into the darkness why was I bearing all this pain why did I ever need to live my life in accordance to his doctrines? Couldn’t I just walk out of this relationship? But there was no relationship in this place it was a friendship gone violent, a dear and close aid some time back he took over my life in  name of safety and now he empowered it. He questioned my interaction? He questioned the way I dressed, he questioned my smile, and he questioned  ME  infinite times over? He said he cared for me ...he said he loved me ...and now he was killing me.

Ending me seemed the only option tonight! As always he said if I shared all this things with anyone he would kill them but tonight he said he would kill the person who was my love! I can’t see my love dying I can’t be responsible for this fanaticism that this man had towards me. To end that vicious approach towards love, to end that violence that he called love, I called it quits.... with drops of blood slowly covering the floor my eyes close to en capture the tears within them forever.

Photo credits:Fotofoundation.com

The morning hues

Destiny has its call they say !

 I smiled in my seclusion,Its not
that I had never been happy,but it was this happiness that was different that I feared losing it.I found a friend! Well then what’s new in that I already had friends the more I thought the more confused I became. To stop my surreal state I started feeding myself with negative thoughts explaining .May be he would be talking to a fresh new chick now! Without even half bothering whether I existed and here I was dancing in the galore that I found a friend!

Lost for the night I didn’t know when sleep seeped in But I woke up with anxiety, to the shouts to my mother leaving for work. I didn’t want to wake up , its this fight with feelings in the morning that you require a little more sleep that takes a toll. But then it was this sudden thought of  Vishal that, I jumped abruptly to search my laptop. It wasn’t any romantic inclination that I felt or anything but just a thought that he was my friend!  There was this strong sense of trust I had developed on him overnight. I repeated again to myself he was MY friend.

Through clouded eyes I frantically searched and looked for offlines and messages .I scrolled down twice and finally found his messages …

U ther dear …
Buzz me wen u cum Online..
Im waiting!

I read …re read the message two three times and fell on the bed with a thud should I or shouldn't I buzz him what would he think about me a" despo"
No I wasn't one I was just a nice girl who cared about him and wanted him as my friend….was there anything wrong in that ?Confused I scrolled down his profile to view what other messages he had if there was some other girl who had sent him any lovey dovey message .I saw couple of " hi " and "hellos" but nothing that could make me doubt him .Hmmm…

Suddenly there was a pop up message saying “So u awake Baby”..I Was taken aback how did Vishal know I was online .Oops these technologies sometimes when you don’t want any one to know , it tells the world that You are there.

Minutes before I was desperately expecting his message On seeing him online I compose my self and reply back “Yeh Im Online "why is that a problem? "I didn’t want to give him any hint of that fact that the first time I talked and I fell for his appealing ways .We talk and talk its about 11 in the morning now again I gave in to his amicable ways four complete hours and we had been talking non stop OMG I had a college to attend

I rush off explaining would get back later ! He asks for my number and I log out scared , would it be just exchanging number.




Read Part One of my series "Destined Date with Destiny" here
http://preetiprada.blogspot.in/2012/08/destined-date-with-destiny.html



                                      

Destined Date with Destiny

It's amazing how much pain your love has to feel and how many tears you have to shed in order to convey that you really didn’t mean any harm….”

For half of you wondering who am I to concoct such a philosophical tenet ? Well I conjecture how to portray my true self ! I it’s a strong word in itself...Full of the epitomized ego, pressured passions, vindictive vengeance. And all our lives we often gyrate in search of its true denotation and essence.

I really didn’t know who to cater these thoughts; when all the people in the world shut their ears to your woes there you search the shoulder of a stranger to cry out the anguished suppressed cries! There’s so much to my life ,But, I wanted to appreciate how the little emotions make and break the motion of life.Sitting within the four walls I lurk unrecognized of my ambitions.Watching the calendar dance to the rhythm of the air circulated by the creaking fan above. My mind becomes impatient and void at regular intervals. 

He didn’t know what I went through each day to understand my pain ; but then even I wasn’t around the times he has been crashing down in pain since last one year.We both succumbed to this weird functioning of our fate. Four years ago among couple of friend requests in the social networking site I stumbled upon him. It was a bizarre cross of destiny because I was a “walled girl” essentially; I didn’t acknowledge strangers stooping into my life. I didn’t have time to make new friends  because I couldn’t give time to the already existing ones. That’s when I say his fluke that I clicked “Yes” in confirmation of friendship request. Within seconds I see a message thanking me of being his friend! I looked at the screen juxtaposed whether to reply or leave it otherwise but the display picture caught my eye. There he was smiling and the calmness of the eyes charmed me into replying.

I did reply with an air of attitude saying its ok,and then the conversation flowed in. Thinking my first reply to be the last message for the day what I saw ...I was locked in talk with this stranger for five long hours. We talked liked kindergarten friends, giggling over the messenger. I closed my eyes and said that’s it , it’s a mere fascination of meeting a new person that’s why I got lost into his world. Composing my feminity I stop myself from replying any further.I log out intentionally saying“Have work catch Ya later”!
I Stare…again and again …before pressing that enter and then finally press it.

To end this strange happiness that I was feeling.
There were a series of messages after that, he kept asking when would I be online again, "give me a time please I shall wait! Please be there I need to talk!"
 Scared of his charming ways I stare simply stare!

And shut the system altogether.

Muted Soul

                                   I peeped into my agony and decided I await for the time 

The only sound that gave me company was the breathing of my soul, in the far end I heard a distant thunder. Tear drops rolling down..Monsoon was always my favorite time ,today I loved it more the pattering of the rain drops subsided the noise of my crying and confined it to the room. I didnt want my pain to wander around,when you are in a family you have to think more than just yourself.

How could I not cry for others it was just a break-up while for me it was a relationship to which I gave my 7 years.I had cultivated every moment to make it memorable !

They said why didn't I smile ?

 They said I had to move on ?

 They said I had to be me !

 But they weren't the ones who lost him the way I did.

Then how could they say everything will be back to normal.

How can everything will be normal and be back ? How can it be ? Drapped in those breath taking shots of agony I was lost ..Simply lost ..

The tears turned my constant ally and I learnt to be numb. And mourn the death of this relationship.

Photo credits :lovingphotography.wordpress.com

Wistfully ME

Don’t question my sanity

However handcuffed I may be in reality

As my thoughts are free.

They have the wings to fly.

They have horizons to reach.

They have worlds to weave.

Thus I believe in my belief to be venerated.

I am real as real as you …

My reality gives you the cornerstone cue

Uncanny be my ways..Real I am in hue

That’s why I exist the same way as you.

Loner

     The wine cascaded down the lonely throat; I gulped a breath of            fresh air to bully the liquid within me. 

At 47 I was a percolating prosecutor of young flesh. My roving eye ferries across the noisy pub to seep my prey for the night.


The intoxication always breed a mood of nostalgia, And I returned nights after night in semi permeable attires to asphyxiate my pain. The dancing bodies, the rhythmic giggles and the world didn’t ever give me the scope to be theirs, and I lurked in a corner waiting to be taken …


Taken to befriend the bed, taken to satisfy the sexual fantasies of the juvenile, taken to be a piece of sheer perusal for the night.


the first time I had felt a degree of dissonance, when stripped of my virginal assets...I had sniveled in fetal pose for days but initial exploitation numbed my emotions and made me what I was today. I drag my flesh towards exit and walk into the red mustang to smolder in the arms of the rustic for tonight.

Amore

            " As numbness seeped into Me,
                 I sat scrapping the fossils of our times together."





Ruminating over the bygone memories so enchanting.
Searching for the warmth our bodies which so scintillating.
I swayed above the gravity of time.
To encompass you in me.
Gliding in your love's glee

As I see memories of the first kiss in the downstream.

I wriggled like a puppy in the winter's sunbeam.
Smiling to myself I gleam !

Love is You.
You are my love !

Beautiful Malice

He looked into my eyes studded with that corporeal craving…I easily touched him on the chin and revolved around to be engulfed in a mist of love.

We have our moments of togetherness in the moisture laden breeze within the light-house .Years it had been our sojourns away from the stoic world. I had lived lives within these walls. We had our moments of seclusion, outlet for carnal desires, and woven tapestry of future together right here.

His hands touch me on my back, slowly guiding my sensuality to transcend the guards and blend in his aroma, I knew his moves, I knew his desires like always .Bodies tied down by some invisible force he magnetizes my body with his passionate kisses, uninhibited I groove with the flow as if this is the very last time we are making out.

I take him in my arms, kiss him so hard that the twinkle in his eyes say it all..He wanted more of me now, in his lusted form he was mine. Silently his saliva stricken tongue glides through my ears and he whispers the most beautiful words…”luv u my luv” I rotate to the sounds of the sea and push him of the top, silently watching his body fall down…down..Into the sea.

For seconds I feel a bang of pain deep within. Till his conduct walk in to my thoughts….didnt he kill me when he was sleeping with that lowly seductress from his Office. His deed kills me every second of the day I just killed him once in an impetuous act of solace seeking.

This was malice beautifully braided within me …

Closing my thoughts I sashay down the stairs and melt in the shadows of the crowd far away.