Portes

"I  brood behind the shut  doors awaiting your arrival.
 Scream, within the walls in sickly sweet sous vide emotions for my survival "

My frozen cries needs a pasage for endurance.

My muffled grief seeks a companion for attendance.

I didnt shut the doors to keep you out,
I didnt shut to keep myself within.

I shut it all tight to see whether you would ever knock on it
                                            Once !

Would you barge inside to melt my tears and make me dance ?

Would you break the door to swallow me within your substance ?

I have been brave enough to stay away from you ,
facing those lone miseries,and sustain.

You might not have have answers to all my troubles;

but your presence can clear all my dark doubles.

Did I just hear that knock on my doors ?

Or is it the wheeze again teasing my wait's score !

I still await your arrival
I still wait ....

--

Wanderer

The wanderer in me seeked solace in you..

The figher saw conquerer in thou..

You weaved a world a fantasy..

You sweeped me in ectasy..

Fuse me within your insanity..

 And make me your entirety.

--

Bruised Heart

                     "I want to be heard ..I want to be that little bird"

I see behind those smiles rests a land for destitute;
 Behind the love is my servitude.

I am the bruised heart of thee,
Roaring like a Banshee.
Seeking to be an escapee,
Acknowledge my insanity plea!
Freed me into the heavenly sea.

Photo credits--http://www.nidokidos.org

Unwrapping Me

Like a Phoenix ; I pirouette through my ashes ,to witness the new strokes of destiny on me.

Like the silent river I pass unnoticed within the bare reach of the trees.

Like the twilight I shine in the distant crease.

Like a thought I fill colors in your world of miseries.

Like dew I melt in sunlight’s seize.

 I yearn for silence to configure the real me.

Coz I am as ill tempered as the German bee.

I am not your lies’ vendee.

And I need noise to sublime the anguished freeze

I am vast as the seven seas.

Atypical as the ‘no name keys’.

I am the fresh breeze,

I am the reprise.

I am the mountain wheeze,

As fickle as the cloud’s sneeze.

Call me what you like …

I don’t exist just to your appease

Call me what you feel

I shall always conceal

And be genteel.

My manners being puerile

I act on my ego ideal!

--

Walking Down the lonely roads

                    I wonder where I stand in crossroads of your life.
                                When we have had a strife.

Often look back to see whether you followed my trail or not.

See around whether you are waiting on that bench uncaught...

Hoping you would be out of the woods, just like in my thoughts

I always saw that love blooming in your heart.

But, still wondered where I stand when we are apart!

The breeze conveyed of your presence.

The falling leaves caressed and touched my essence.

The periwinkle filled my vent.

With your nostalgic scent.

But I often wondered do you miss me the way I do?

If your words are so true, 

Will you take me out of this blue?

Walking down the lonely roads!

Where do I stand ?

When you leave me unplanned

I say to me

I shall stand;With thee

Cause Its only with thee I am me .

--Picture Courtesy :Bhargav Mishra

Servitude

Stripped,scratched,swelled....

still my soul dances within the reins of servitude..!

--

Narrow..

My mind fetters the word "Narrow"..

Narrow minded people ..

Narrow roads not taken ..

And the Narrowness in your eyes.

--

A word to be heard

I woke up babbling words...

Is it my time to be interred.

Scared that they might be misheard

I strangle them uncured;

I fear, unmisted by love...They may be slurred.

Throttled within me they aspire to be transferred.

I wait to let it be demurred.

Commingle with my thoughts and then be chauffeured.

The day they seek a life on paper reword.

They cede me to a theatre of absurd.

And give this 'psychedelic mind' a reward.

Wild Child

Wildness captures me only when the scintillating drops of poison fuses into me.
Otherwise I am tamed by destiny to prowl in the darkness of agony and allure in eminence.





--

Ballad à Boeckin

You never questioned me How much I love you …?

You loved me with all your heart!

You never asked when I scratched your face with blunt crayon in kindergarten or snapped you into pieces when the adolescence passed. Days and Days you would cling under my sweaty arms in empty library lanes. Never complaining. Never showing that petulance which I did.

I fell in trance with your quintessence in the gloomy December nights. And slept tightly hugged within your arms each night drooling in your misty scents . I seeked your touch in my solitude. I playfully fiddled with your ears (Dog-earrred you in haste ) ! Passed my saliva-stricken fingers through your face every now and then. You would always look at my eyes filled with innocence. You would calm me down in pain. You covered me within your reach in the drenching rains; you became my shield when my buddies caught me unexplained. I scribbled non-sense on you...Every time the boring lectures took place.

You taught me all life’s lessons. And I lived a thousand realities simultaneously within you .And you never…You never really turned your back on me the way the world did.

Its in you...My Friend I seek a companion …It’s in thee that I live the moments.

No one understands me the way my BOOKS …do an Ode to my books..!

Unspoken Words..

My eyes speak the unspoken words of the heart..



About the cherished desires that long to depart

Restlessness..

Only the clouds understand the restlessness of the dried Earth!

--

Requiem

There was a sheer numbness around as if the world had come to a stand still .I move around searching for living souls who could help me save my beloved lying in the pool of blood.But the uncertainity harasses me I can find none around ...Where is the world when I need them ..Where is everyone Somebody please help me I scream into vaccum...

There in the far corner I See the cops coming ..I sense a degree of exhilaration ...I can save him now..I can..

They arrive drag him into the ambulance and speed away ...Lost in the sheer apprehension i get mingled in the memories of that evening ...Beautiful it was ...We had been out celebrating our anniversary of 7 years ...The seven years of clandestine love.Being in Love was so encompassing ..The late nights of togetherness under the moon,the walks on lonely beaches...bonding of the bodies on the windy mountains and the solace of his touch.Life was beautiful for us ..we never had arguments ..we never fought ...words never had to convey anything when it was our eyes which did the talks.....

We had wine all evening Domaine Romanée-Conti..the best in the town.. Sleeping in his arms in front of the roaring sea I had nothing to ask the lord.. Life is worth living and I was living every moment of that !

The late night reminded of work the next day we walk to leave ...Snuggled next to him in the car I want the time to stop ...And it does when the speeding vehicle crashes into the trees.

I walk to sense he had survived the crash...From the far end I can see the tears flowing down his cheeks ..I wish to kiss those tears like every time I did ..But...I depart to begin my heavenly odyssey hearing the lingering requiem bidding me adieu.

--

Picture Courtesy :RANVIR DEB PHOTOGRAPHY

Pleasure Paradox

Frugal are thoughts that rekindle this mind …I often wanted to be tied down within the reign of the marital bond .The sanctity behind the whole organism of marriage marveled me. I needed to within the arms of my beloved ….I needed his warmth by my side. Its not that I never found the perfect love …But the love that was so perfect came at an imperfect time.

When, I had nothing to commit to that person. I couldn’t because I had already been into a marriage of 2 long years. I had everything that life could offer me a loving husband a kid a year old. But I still I lost myself to the charms of that stranger. He was my next door neighbor quite friendly to mingle with. I remember the first time he walked into my life his childlike mannerisms caught my eye and touched my heart forever. Things flowed down after that he and husband became the perfect pals. Its often a blessing to find someone in a new place and he became an avid visitor after that .I would often observe him from the far end of the room when he came over to have a chat with Ronit, at 27 he was still a child at heart …He took life as it was…I loved that thing in him

What pulled me to him was he was reverse of what my husband had been for years. While Ronit was an epitome of perfection …this unknown stranger was a perfect replica of me …So imperfect …so immature and so lovable. Days into marriage when I was forgetting the little pieces that made me. This new stranger revived all that into my lonely, sultry life. He made me laugh and it was the first hearty laugh that I had in days

Then one day he told that he loved me…I stared at him in an anxiety stricken state what audacity did he have to talk to a married lady like this …?? But then he had always been this honest and spontaneous in his actions….He didn’t ask me for a commitment..But still juxtaposed my life …

He kept stating that he needed me…he would give me all the love that I needed …all the dreams that I had crushed in this two years of marriage with Ronit would become a reality ….But what about the life …the world that I had weaved all this while …

My heart longed to be in this strangers arms..Rest my head on his heart and lose myself to this love alround.But, Is life that easy to decode …easy to move on..

He had no strings attached while I had two lives who depended on me …There was this huge conflict of heart when I had to choose between my happiness..and the people whose happiness depended on me…Suffocated with these thoughts my heart cries out in pain …Sometimes the greater mysteries of life have their answers in the prayers that we called in ….My heart still waits for an answer …An answer which the almighty has…

The Untold Monsoon Saga

The strangeness in the sea ..the wistful eyes have been my constant ally for years now. I look disconnected from this whole world .."Why"...oscillates within me these days...
I know the storm is impeding ...years in accord with the sea I know when the sea is choleric ...when its vehemence is going to pierce through me..So I wait in premonition to fuse within its behemothic arms ...

The rain melts down my bare skin..I wait... I know its going to be all over in minutes -- now..and that injects a sense of blessedness.Years of existence in isolation and pain its all going to be over ...my soul...gets the freedom it deserves..

Theres a hard thrust on my arms and I am pulled back towards the shore ..with anger mounting on me I look into a strangers eyes..
"Who are you ? ..leave me alone I screech ....

He pulls me into his arms ...calm down things will be fine !I continue my struggled to fled ...Why did he have to pull me back ...Seconds before my heavenly abode he had to scatter it forever...The roaring sea..breaks my thoughts ..the storm is getting stronger ...I can sense it !..
Suddenly with the strike of thunder the waves overtake us ...Its just seconds and we are in the sea !..Choked with water I clung to his arms ..He swims back again to the shore with me locked as a baby in his arms.Far away in corner I could see people waving their hands as a ridiculous clock out of corner.The air mirrored a sand storm ..and the suddeness of rain made it difficult to see.

Its a hurricane he wispers in to my ears . I am least in mood to know what it is I am happy to complete my dreams of finishing this endurance.I had enough to know this life ! But he is determined to save me ....
And he does ...

I wake up in a hospital with the scent of fresh blue orchids ..(my favorites ) I look around ..when a nurse smiles at me "You are fine" ..
Here he left this letter for you ...I open To read
"Life is just a chance to grow a soul."..You had already given up your life ..its part of my life that is lighting the life within you...Think twice before killing me again..
Anxiety stricken I look at the nurse ..where is he ?...He passed away an hour ago ..He dreamt to see you wake up with fresh orchids which he said were his favourites ..and this note !

Baffled I look at the note ..The Nurse tries to passsify my thoughts " I am sorry he must have loved you dearly to give up his life for you !!..."
Strange are the ways of life I didnt even know who he was...but I had his soul germinating within me ...I close my eyes to give a name to this relationship ....finding none ..I mourn his death ...


*

Eminence

I wake up to hustle of my son in the dining . I had been late today ,this continuous sleepless nights were taking their toll on me.I rush throwing the sheets on the floor,I desperately  needed to see my child before he leaves for his classes.

But, as a strike of lightning I retreat back,Its always this feeling of ambiguities ruling my cognizance these days that I fail to decipher the eminence of my presence in my loved ones life .

I wringer myself , will my death make any difference to my son ? The answer was quick and sanguine.

"No".... Busy he was in his own world of imaginings , he had a father with intact bank balance and he had nothing to worry about.His days began with posh cars ,sailed smooth with credit cards .
What need did he have with a mother ?
Then I look at bed , sleeping curled up within the sheets is the man I spent twenty-five fruitful years of my life managing his emotions to his clandestine desires.I did every possible thing on my part to be there with him.I re-question myself all over again "Will my absence matter to him ?"
"No"...With his business creeping to frontiers beyond reach , he has too much to take care of , a lonely weeping lady isn't his best business bargain.

I pirouette within my forlorn thoughts.Is this the life that I dreamt about ? Is the life that I want?
 But who really understands all this when this is what I am fated to live.

I weep again in my desolate world,till sunshine from the windows afflicts my thoughts.

Photo credits:www.betterphoto.com

Stolen Dream

A stolen heart beat is a moment's Dream !!!

You are my lifes stream ...♥

Beauty....

There was this slight coldness in the breeze ..and I was walking towards melancholy ..when there was an abrupt voice that awakened me from my thoughts ..."You are beautiful"..

I turned around to face that stranger in dim light ..."sorry "

He smiled and replied "You are beautiful.." !...Standing there was a handsome guy barely ...older than me .

Firstly I didnt look anywhere near to being beautiful ....and his words pierced into me..

I shrugged and started moving on...he rushed behind me...anxiety stricken !.

".Well I really mean my words dont you believe me ?"

His persistent manners bugged me ...Can You leave me alone ....!

I had enough people mocking my existence and here even a stranger had the audacity to hurt me again !..

" I really want you in my life ...dont ask me for reasons ...because they shall always remain unexplained ...but I have been watching you since some moments ago ...and your first sight made my heart beats gets faster ...and the only thought I have is to have you in my life !..."

Is it a normal thing ...on your part to talk ...sinisterically or is there something special today ...I am being really honest ...I say !

I had a hard day today ...and I want to be alone ....

His words reverberates ."You are beautiful ...I haven't been able to take my eyes of you since the first glance I had couple of minutes before !"

..From behind my horn-rimmed glasses I look at him in disbelief !...Do you know what you speaking ...Is my glasses or the amputed leg makes you think I am beautiful ....I have never ever felt beautiful on looking at mirror myself !...And you just pop up from nowhere to en listened me as Beautiful !

The next words that he said.... shook my life forever.."The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye ....but found by the heart That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful....That were his words and he made me his forever

Right now sleeping, engulfed in his arms my moist lips kiss his forehead

I...pass my finger through his unkept hair and he smiles back at me with sleep laden eyes ...four years into wedlock ...I understand the true meaning of beauty ...In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty....you can be marred with ugliness but theres always one heart that finds you beautiful ...Years back ,in adolescence when that car accident crippled me for life ...I always wanted.something good to happen to me.but situations always turned to be the bad witch of my tale! They blemished the instances and darkened my dreams…

. I always wished my life to be a fairy tale and yes …i was in need of that special spark ...I Wanted to get back my life ....But life wasnt easy ...it had tested me ...till that evening when he said those words. It took couple of days till I could trust him ....but the moment I started trusting there was no looking back...

One is never loved because She is beautiful ...She is Beautiful when she is loved !!...

That is the true meaning of beauty....

The Eyes that Lies

The eyes that I trusted to be true...

Drove me into the blue..!

Recline in the bed I lie

With no thoughts, but to die..!

While ,I whimper in the solitude

You shimmer in attitude

I exist

I Persist…in your world of deceit!

I weep in the misery of pain...

But you say you re not the one to blame.

My tears attain an untold count.

It’s my blunder that I mount.

I create a notion of redemption...

Because you are no longer worthy for persuasion.

.... hardly disguised…

Your eyes still tell the lies!

Thousand Words

The thousands words run within me searching for an egress

Strayed in a bend ; I brood with silence

Weeping out for persistence.

You look at me with vengeance ,

Your eyes filled with abhorrence.

I resist searching the patience,

To fight out the resistance!

I look frantically around for moments of continued existence

And shed tears with tolerance

Finding none…but a reason to sustain I migrate to end my endurance

You

As, the wind flowed through us.
Our eyes met shortly and begged for the chance,

The struggle to throw out all of our uncertainties

Began its passage through the ceremony

Your hands stroked the stray strands,

Away from my forehead, they slowly land.

Aromas of, colognes and faintly, the sea
drift and whirl around me…

Journey

The journey to ones goal is always a long one !

God's List

When I see my name in the list of failures I am sure

God has my name

penned in his list of success stories ...♥