Ballad à Boeckin

You never questioned me How much I love you …?

You loved me with all your heart!

You never asked when I scratched your face with blunt crayon in kindergarten or snapped you into pieces when the adolescence passed. Days and Days you would cling under my sweaty arms in empty library lanes. Never complaining. Never showing that petulance which I did.

I fell in trance with your quintessence in the gloomy December nights. And slept tightly hugged within your arms each night drooling in your misty scents . I seeked your touch in my solitude. I playfully fiddled with your ears (Dog-earrred you in haste ) ! Passed my saliva-stricken fingers through your face every now and then. You would always look at my eyes filled with innocence. You would calm me down in pain. You covered me within your reach in the drenching rains; you became my shield when my buddies caught me unexplained. I scribbled non-sense on you...Every time the boring lectures took place.

You taught me all life’s lessons. And I lived a thousand realities simultaneously within you .And you never…You never really turned your back on me the way the world did.

Its in you...My Friend I seek a companion …It’s in thee that I live the moments.

No one understands me the way my BOOKS …do an Ode to my books..!

Unspoken Words..

My eyes speak the unspoken words of the heart..



About the cherished desires that long to depart

Restlessness..

Only the clouds understand the restlessness of the dried Earth!

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Requiem

There was a sheer numbness around as if the world had come to a stand still .I move around searching for living souls who could help me save my beloved lying in the pool of blood.But the uncertainity harasses me I can find none around ...Where is the world when I need them ..Where is everyone Somebody please help me I scream into vaccum...

There in the far corner I See the cops coming ..I sense a degree of exhilaration ...I can save him now..I can..

They arrive drag him into the ambulance and speed away ...Lost in the sheer apprehension i get mingled in the memories of that evening ...Beautiful it was ...We had been out celebrating our anniversary of 7 years ...The seven years of clandestine love.Being in Love was so encompassing ..The late nights of togetherness under the moon,the walks on lonely beaches...bonding of the bodies on the windy mountains and the solace of his touch.Life was beautiful for us ..we never had arguments ..we never fought ...words never had to convey anything when it was our eyes which did the talks.....

We had wine all evening Domaine Romanée-Conti..the best in the town.. Sleeping in his arms in front of the roaring sea I had nothing to ask the lord.. Life is worth living and I was living every moment of that !

The late night reminded of work the next day we walk to leave ...Snuggled next to him in the car I want the time to stop ...And it does when the speeding vehicle crashes into the trees.

I walk to sense he had survived the crash...From the far end I can see the tears flowing down his cheeks ..I wish to kiss those tears like every time I did ..But...I depart to begin my heavenly odyssey hearing the lingering requiem bidding me adieu.

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Picture Courtesy :RANVIR DEB PHOTOGRAPHY

Pleasure Paradox

Frugal are thoughts that rekindle this mind …I often wanted to be tied down within the reign of the marital bond .The sanctity behind the whole organism of marriage marveled me. I needed to within the arms of my beloved ….I needed his warmth by my side. Its not that I never found the perfect love …But the love that was so perfect came at an imperfect time.

When, I had nothing to commit to that person. I couldn’t because I had already been into a marriage of 2 long years. I had everything that life could offer me a loving husband a kid a year old. But I still I lost myself to the charms of that stranger. He was my next door neighbor quite friendly to mingle with. I remember the first time he walked into my life his childlike mannerisms caught my eye and touched my heart forever. Things flowed down after that he and husband became the perfect pals. Its often a blessing to find someone in a new place and he became an avid visitor after that .I would often observe him from the far end of the room when he came over to have a chat with Ronit, at 27 he was still a child at heart …He took life as it was…I loved that thing in him

What pulled me to him was he was reverse of what my husband had been for years. While Ronit was an epitome of perfection …this unknown stranger was a perfect replica of me …So imperfect …so immature and so lovable. Days into marriage when I was forgetting the little pieces that made me. This new stranger revived all that into my lonely, sultry life. He made me laugh and it was the first hearty laugh that I had in days

Then one day he told that he loved me…I stared at him in an anxiety stricken state what audacity did he have to talk to a married lady like this …?? But then he had always been this honest and spontaneous in his actions….He didn’t ask me for a commitment..But still juxtaposed my life …

He kept stating that he needed me…he would give me all the love that I needed …all the dreams that I had crushed in this two years of marriage with Ronit would become a reality ….But what about the life …the world that I had weaved all this while …

My heart longed to be in this strangers arms..Rest my head on his heart and lose myself to this love alround.But, Is life that easy to decode …easy to move on..

He had no strings attached while I had two lives who depended on me …There was this huge conflict of heart when I had to choose between my happiness..and the people whose happiness depended on me…Suffocated with these thoughts my heart cries out in pain …Sometimes the greater mysteries of life have their answers in the prayers that we called in ….My heart still waits for an answer …An answer which the almighty has…