The morning hues

Destiny has its call they say !

 I smiled in my seclusion,Its not
that I had never been happy,but it was this happiness that was different that I feared losing it.I found a friend! Well then what’s new in that I already had friends the more I thought the more confused I became. To stop my surreal state I started feeding myself with negative thoughts explaining .May be he would be talking to a fresh new chick now! Without even half bothering whether I existed and here I was dancing in the galore that I found a friend!

Lost for the night I didn’t know when sleep seeped in But I woke up with anxiety, to the shouts to my mother leaving for work. I didn’t want to wake up , its this fight with feelings in the morning that you require a little more sleep that takes a toll. But then it was this sudden thought of  Vishal that, I jumped abruptly to search my laptop. It wasn’t any romantic inclination that I felt or anything but just a thought that he was my friend!  There was this strong sense of trust I had developed on him overnight. I repeated again to myself he was MY friend.

Through clouded eyes I frantically searched and looked for offlines and messages .I scrolled down twice and finally found his messages …

U ther dear …
Buzz me wen u cum Online..
Im waiting!

I read …re read the message two three times and fell on the bed with a thud should I or shouldn't I buzz him what would he think about me a" despo"
No I wasn't one I was just a nice girl who cared about him and wanted him as my friend….was there anything wrong in that ?Confused I scrolled down his profile to view what other messages he had if there was some other girl who had sent him any lovey dovey message .I saw couple of " hi " and "hellos" but nothing that could make me doubt him .Hmmm…

Suddenly there was a pop up message saying “So u awake Baby”..I Was taken aback how did Vishal know I was online .Oops these technologies sometimes when you don’t want any one to know , it tells the world that You are there.

Minutes before I was desperately expecting his message On seeing him online I compose my self and reply back “Yeh Im Online "why is that a problem? "I didn’t want to give him any hint of that fact that the first time I talked and I fell for his appealing ways .We talk and talk its about 11 in the morning now again I gave in to his amicable ways four complete hours and we had been talking non stop OMG I had a college to attend

I rush off explaining would get back later ! He asks for my number and I log out scared , would it be just exchanging number.




Read Part One of my series "Destined Date with Destiny" here
http://preetiprada.blogspot.in/2012/08/destined-date-with-destiny.html



                                      

Destined Date with Destiny

It's amazing how much pain your love has to feel and how many tears you have to shed in order to convey that you really didn’t mean any harm….”

For half of you wondering who am I to concoct such a philosophical tenet ? Well I conjecture how to portray my true self ! I it’s a strong word in itself...Full of the epitomized ego, pressured passions, vindictive vengeance. And all our lives we often gyrate in search of its true denotation and essence.

I really didn’t know who to cater these thoughts; when all the people in the world shut their ears to your woes there you search the shoulder of a stranger to cry out the anguished suppressed cries! There’s so much to my life ,But, I wanted to appreciate how the little emotions make and break the motion of life.Sitting within the four walls I lurk unrecognized of my ambitions.Watching the calendar dance to the rhythm of the air circulated by the creaking fan above. My mind becomes impatient and void at regular intervals. 

He didn’t know what I went through each day to understand my pain ; but then even I wasn’t around the times he has been crashing down in pain since last one year.We both succumbed to this weird functioning of our fate. Four years ago among couple of friend requests in the social networking site I stumbled upon him. It was a bizarre cross of destiny because I was a “walled girl” essentially; I didn’t acknowledge strangers stooping into my life. I didn’t have time to make new friends  because I couldn’t give time to the already existing ones. That’s when I say his fluke that I clicked “Yes” in confirmation of friendship request. Within seconds I see a message thanking me of being his friend! I looked at the screen juxtaposed whether to reply or leave it otherwise but the display picture caught my eye. There he was smiling and the calmness of the eyes charmed me into replying.

I did reply with an air of attitude saying its ok,and then the conversation flowed in. Thinking my first reply to be the last message for the day what I saw ...I was locked in talk with this stranger for five long hours. We talked liked kindergarten friends, giggling over the messenger. I closed my eyes and said that’s it , it’s a mere fascination of meeting a new person that’s why I got lost into his world. Composing my feminity I stop myself from replying any further.I log out intentionally saying“Have work catch Ya later”!
I Stare…again and again …before pressing that enter and then finally press it.

To end this strange happiness that I was feeling.
There were a series of messages after that, he kept asking when would I be online again, "give me a time please I shall wait! Please be there I need to talk!"
 Scared of his charming ways I stare simply stare!

And shut the system altogether.

Amore

            " As numbness seeped into Me,
                 I sat scrapping the fossils of our times together."





Ruminating over the bygone memories so enchanting.
Searching for the warmth our bodies which so scintillating.
I swayed above the gravity of time.
To encompass you in me.
Gliding in your love's glee

As I see memories of the first kiss in the downstream.

I wriggled like a puppy in the winter's sunbeam.
Smiling to myself I gleam !

Love is You.
You are my love !

She

Ripped by the reality of life she got conscious of the two sides of her!
She was a blend of emotions; whose heart cried out when she saw the world in pain. She cried with the child …who lost his childhood; she cried as the world was besieged by terrorism, she cried when a girl was dragged on the streets by goons. Walking down the phases of her life …she believed the world was a part of her... she loved it, cherished it …and nurtured it as her own! She dreamt to see the world dipped in happiness and hope…she dreamt to see a content soul! And she survived just to see the world thrive! …on its own …
But …what was she on the other side? A selfish spirit whose heart craved for more! Who dreamt to see herself as a winning spree? Who just survived to see herself free, the world’s pain was not hers, the world’s tribulations didn’t belong to her…She was the woman of the new genre whose only belief was to rule the world…Whose sustenance was reciprocal to her success. Whose interactions were just a way of life, whose winnings made her smile!
Whose was she …in reality …who was she?
I believe…………………………………….She was just me!

God sees the truth but waits...

I know this reverberates to Leo Tolstoy’s story God sees the truth but waits .And when I script on this tenet; essentially that’s the contemplation behind it. Since, the day I interpreted this story I haven’t been able to comprehend why God delays his righteousness when he knows the truth.Isn't God a redeemer of honesty? isn't he the epitome of justice?  Then what prevents him from patronizing the veracity of life.Why does he always let people who believe in him endure pain? Why does he favor the wrong doing doesn't that make him sinister-cal and an element in the crime? 

Why does he ? The questions keep flowing out .

But, we are so diminutive to query God’s Karma. He owns the world and knows how to maneuver people’s destinies . Doesn't that makes him domineering?It does,I believe it does,But can we go against our conviction? No we can’t. How hard we try we still come to a state of affairs where we again go back to him

So that always leaves him on a better forum. And I’m sure he would seriously be smiling at his own providence! So tyrannical. you are Lord And so better off your consign is.
What a fate you have lord! What a fate ?

Photo Credits: Revolvetour.com

Smile..

" A Smile should never need a reason ...A reason should find a smile"

Ma

With this entire buzz that Mother’s day is around the corner…It actually made me think! What shall I gift my” maama”. Then my thoughts answered back …NOTHING…SIMPLY NOTHING!.It did shock me immensely but…….

God just blessed my mother with the power of giving…not me...I cannot give her back anything.

Little did I realize that She shaped me…gave me my identity.Refined my qualities and just made me what I am today…which essentially means I am nothing without her. …

Can I return back all that to her..?.No...

Can I Compensate for the little sacrifices that she made every day to get the best out of me!? No...

Can I give back to her the 22 years that she spent on me …..? No…

Then how can a person just keep on giving without expecting anything out of me...

Oh how I hated when I would be taken to the dance lessions after school or the music lessions and then go back and again made to complete mah homework for the day. Aaaaa …I simply hated it and never did I realize why …why …Mama why are you doing this to me! Now when someone compliments me on mah dance moves “I am like Kudos...to my mama and her persistence that she went with me for the dance lessions”.I learnt it all but she was always there standing in the corner watching me..When I won a part of her was the winner...And it really made her happy …When I lost...She would be there with open arms...And say...”I Know my child is the best …and there’s always a next time...And this time we shall both work harder to make it happen”..!

My teenage years were fabulous cz mama became a friend. She had always been the first person I discussed my childhood fantasy...my dreams of making it big...my school gossips… my crushes…and my bf…(ya she was the first one to know ).But now she was a real friend..Cz..She didn’t shout back at me like I did…(I did take out all my frustrations and pent up anger on her).I Know that’s bad but everyone does it…She heard all that patiently cz I was never scared to share whatever I did..And I knew she would understand...And she did! .From saris to secrets we discuss everything…..

Aww those little fights that we have over chocolates; mama is very fond of chocolates and she is really bugging sometimes cz she always wants the bigger share! (A True friend indeed)

When I moved to London she would always call me every 2 hrs I know that’s hilarious but ya she did...aaa.hw many times I would shout at her and cut the phone saying “I am bzee mama “.But no that wouldn’t calm her down …she would again call back 2 hrs later to see if my work has been done and I am happy or not?.Her concern always brought a smile on my face …”How lovely even if I hang up.she would call me back…without being angry “!

She loves me because I am ME...And that feeling is so great!

Now when I am transcending to be a lady …I want to be so much like her…But will I be able to do that what she did for me …No I don’t think I can be as awesome as her…She is truly a gem of a person!Theres so much about her ..That I can simply keep on writing…

I am so very blessed to have her in my life …

Mama I love you…♥….Muaaaaaah …and a big *teady bear hug* for u…♥

“Ur friend “Lekhu….